I am so very tired. Life has wrought me of all energy, draining the hope for my future years for joy and energy. The everyday aches and pains slice across my forearms, branding me for the rest of my life. Real life stabs and stabs again, reminding me of why I became who I did. I regressed to self-defense, ignoring the needs of others so I could escape the pain.
I found a reflection of myself a couple years younger. An unexpected individual who mirrors me so well it hurts. I see all the aspects that I see in myself. The pride. The self-righteousness. The competitive nature. The alpha streak. The guarded emotions. The grudges. The bitterness. The lacking communication. The concern for others that refuses to manifest itself in a standard manner. I see him and I break. I visit myself two years ago, and I am that person. I see how I have changed, and I want anything but that bitter arduous trek for him. I want to help. I want to ease inescapable agonies to come. I want to give hope where I have not found it for myself.
“In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’” ~Acts 20: 35