Obsessed

My mind shoots off lightening fast in a direction I have not truly been for a few years. I have dabbled in this direction, distracted by the hope that I may have the opportunity to travel down that path someday; however, I have not been thrust so forcefully towards the thoughts that usher me onto this path for four years. Maybe that is truly not so long relative to my age, but I believed I surpassed this tempting and absorbing path when I conquered the last distraction. Reality has always jerked me away from this path when my heart does not follow my head. I have traveled a distance down this path once before, perhaps twice if one counts elementary school through middle school romance as truly following the path.

The path begins quickly, as my mind is thrown into infatuation. Rocks, trees, holes, brush, and rushing water all clutter the path, but they offer no resistance against my mind. My mind sprints through such obstacles as if they are merely air. Such obstructions as: he is older than you, he leads an entirely different life, his habits may conflict with yours, you only met him once, you hardly talked to him, and you do not really know him do not phase my mind as it rages through the obstacles, disregarding validity and rationality. The beginning of the path possesses a label, but it does not become clear until well into the obstacles. The path I have embarked on is called: Crush. Butterflies raucously flutter through my stomach, disallowing me from steady thought. Desire to encounter this individual strengthens and entices me farther on the path. The trees loom over the path and the light dims as I reach a crossroads. I can choose to return to my original path, or turn onto a different path that holds no implications of what will come. Fog engulfs the path within feet, unclear if it continues for miles or mere inches. I study the crossroads; what shall I choose? Which one leads most closely with Your will? I bend down until my forehead touches the hard-packed earth, whispering a sacrifice of my desires to what You desire for me.

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” ~ Psalm 32:8

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