I gaze into the landscape surrounding me, taking in the peaceful mountains, the rolling hills, the beauty of the forest, and the surging, racing river in front of me. The water turns and roils, eroding my composure. I am here—in a good place—with peace and confusion I look into the waters before me, attempting to calm the storm of fear drenching my mind. I know I have nothing to fear, so I try to reconcile the river of emotion with the peace You provide.
I long to be on the peak of the mountain, overseeing all the happenings of the land below me. I want to watch the river course through the land—ever changing and never ending—the hills roll out beneath me, transforming into the mountain I stand upon. I desire to see the trees stretching out for miles across the land. I long for hind’s feet on high places.
I need Sorrow and Suffering along with the most hated, yet most coveted concept: time. Transformation does not occur in a moment, but across series of moments. Sorrow and Suffering slowly transform into Peace and Joy as I travel up the treacherous mountain. They change faster as we approach the peak, but have moments and periods of regressing back into the less favored aspects of Pain. Time emerges as imperative to y journey.
What holds me back and causes me to see Peace and Joy as Sorrow and Suffering again is the devil inside of me—Pain. He leads me into myself, condemning the need for anything outside of myself. He regards Sorrow and Suffering with contempt. He is my downfall, what causes me to stumble and lose ground. Remove him from my being, Shepherd. Take me beyond his influence into Your perspective.
“God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me to tread on my high places.” ~ Habakkuk 3:19