I know the music and it resonates in my ears and mind. It continues to draw me into this show. High school was a “dark time” to mark it with a cliché, but the thing about clichés is that they are founded in some shred of truth. Not only did my own struggle draw me to the preceding book, but my fascination with psychology and the ever-present “why?” Why do people do what they do? What causes people to think how they do? Is it all social interactions? Is it family dynamics? Is it genetic? Is it circumstantial? What is it that people think? What different ways do people wish their death? Whether by nature’s hand or by their own.
This is where I diverge from the norm. I address what people do not want to regard in the least. I cherish moments founded in utter vulnerability and the depravity of who we are. I despise what people elect to cover up their pain. I may be sick, but some of my most cherished moments are based in people’s pain. It is not the pain I relish, but the raw honesty and vulnerability that reveals the deep pains unable to truly be masked. In some way I do value the pain, as I sympathize and it eased the loneliness. I have been there—13 reasons why. I had a running list in my mind that reflected this story throughout high school and portions of high school. The realization that someone else understood my agony, whether nonfiction or fiction held onto me and has not since let go. Some aspects I did not experience, but the coursing undertones spoke the words I would not dare utter. People are cruel, and no one knows the effect one comment may have on someone else.
I had my 13 reasons why, but You saved me from myself. But doesn’t everyone have their 13 reasons why? Some may not experience the reasons as acutely as others, but don’t we all have our reasons? Our reasons why our lives would end? Our reasons why we wish we could escape this life? And how can we stand to live in ignorance of this? How can we bear ourselves in the face of rejecting someone else’s humanity for the sake of our own comfort? Disorders and illnesses thrive in secret, avoiding the light in favor of safety. It’s okay, someone says—but it’s not. It’s never okay when someone’s life is falling apart, ending, or ended. It seems like nothing, but the butterfly turns the atmosphere into a hurricane—it’s too late.
I pray it will not always be too late. I pray that we open our eyes and see the reasons others have. I pray that we can get out of our own heads enough to see others. I, for one, do not want to fall prey to the selfish lie that is society. You did not save me for this world, and for this reason I long to see others saved from this world. What are your reasons?
“For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all.” ~ Luke 8:17